RAVE: Mommy Playdates

My oldest daughter was about three weeks old when I learned the value of the mommy playdate. I was an anxious, sleep-deprived, overwrought mess who labored, deliberated, and anguished over every minute detail of my newborn's life. Breastfeeding was proving to be much, much harder than I thought; sleep was like a mirage in the distance that kept teasing me by disappearing just as I thought I was getting close; and I was wracked with guilt over my feelings of ambivalence about motherhood. Finally, a close friend who was already an experienced mother told me to get myself out of the house and get to this new mothers' group over at Stanford. It was specifically designed as a resource and support group for moms of newborns. Within ten minutes of my first session, I knew I had found my life preserver. I spent the entire drive home from the group crying with joy: here I had found a group of women who could understand exactly what I was experiencing and feeling at the time. Not only could they commiserate, but they had advice to offer. I was hooked and went every week for the first five months of my daughter's life. We would go to the group, and then take our tiny babies to lunch afterward. It was truly a mommy playdate -- a chance for us to socialize, talk, recharge our batteries so that we could go back to the often isolating experience of being a new mother. Through these playdates, I started developing real friendships with some of these women, and almost six years later, I count several of them among my closest friends.

Now our playdates are just as likely to exclude the kids as they are to include our kids: we can gather for real grown-up dinners or leisurely morning coffees sans children. But other times, we get the kids together at one of our houses or the park. Our activities may have changed as our children have grown, but the need for the mommy playdate has not. In the time since we've met, we've supported each other through breastfeeding, potty training, miscarriages, births of second and third children, choosing preschools, choosing kindergartens, the buying/selling/building of new homes, divorce, childhood illnesses, milestone birthdays, and so much more.

My daughter started kindergarten this year, and much to my surprise, I found another small group of women among the moms in her class. Together, we've navigated the uncertainty that comes with sending your eldest child to school for the first time. And, since we see each other at drop-off and pick-up times every day, our opportunities to see each other and develop friendships have been plentiful. Yesterday, after drop-off we decided to go grab coffee at a local shop that is happy to accommodate us and our little kids (all of us have three-year-old second children). After staying there as long as was decently possible, we decided to move the entire playdate over to one of our homes. While the kids played, we talked. When one of the kids needed something, one of the moms took care of it -- it didn't matter which mom or which kid. With four moms around, you can be sure that no kid is going to go unattended. Our coffee turned into lunch, and we basically stayed together until pick-up time at 2:30 when we drove over to school in a caravan. Now, an almost 7-hour playdate is way outside of the norm. But, it was a lovely treat for all of us -- adults and kids. Normally those younger siblings get shuttled around for errands all day long -- yesterday they had three other pals with whom to play all day. As for the moms, we had our chance to talk, laugh, and fill up our "mommy tanks". As one mom put it, it felt like we played hookey yesterday.

Raising children as a stay-at-home mom is often a fun, and always a rewarding experience. It can also be incredibly frustrating, isolating, and inspiring of feelings of inadequacy. The other moms in my life, these dear friends, have acted as my "village". Yes, I believe that same village it takes to raise a child is equally important to sustaining a mother (or dad or caregiver). And I believe that making time for my mommy playdates helps me to be a better mom -- it's the airplane safety philosophy of parenting: make sure you put the oxygen mask on yourself first, and then put it on your child. I can't teach them to be patient, kind, industrious, and tolerant if I don't first make sure that I have enough oxygen to model that behavior. And getting together with my friends is that oxygen mask.

My best advice to new moms is not about breast pumps, or sleep strategies, or which diapers to use. My chief recommendation is to seek out other new moms as soon as possible -- join a mothers' club, find a support group, go hang out at the local park. Find some way to hook up with at least one other new mom. For your own sanity and spirit, start your own village. As for me, I look forward to many years of playdates ahead -- we still have a lot of parenting left to do.

R&Ring,
C

RANT: Over- & Under- Estimating Drivers

Driving in the snow in MN, really anywhere for that matter, can be challenging. Acknowledged. However, truly knowing what your car is capable of handling in the snow, or any inclement weather, might make it more bearable for the rest of us.

Here's a little hint: If you're driving a Toyota Corolla, circa '92 or older, or a model of similar size & horsepower (or lack there of), you're not making it through the 6 inches of snow that's dropping on top of the 3 inches of ice from yesterday. Really, I'm not kidding. While, I don't have first-hand experience driving one of these vehicles - I'm just going out on a limb here and saying by the looks of your bald tires, the sagging muffler and the 40-horses max under your hood that you're not getting to where ever you need to go. So, knowing that, get out of the left lane and in fact, get off the road. You've over-estimated.

Now onto you gas-guzzling, 300+ HP, v8, multi-ton towing beasts - you're part of the problem as well. You've paid well over $40k for that vehicle just to get all of those bells & whistles - so use them! You, my friend, can & should be in the left lane and you should leading the way and clearing the roads so I can follow in your trail. Your tires are like vices, grabbing onto the asphalt - so pick it up. You can haul a small country in your cab, you're not going to spin-out - so hit the gas. Instead, you decide to lallygag in the right lane, par or sub the speed limit, drinking your coffee, listening to your talk radio, slowing down ever so slightly to adjust your seat warmers. You're killing me! I swerved to get behind you because the nimrod in the Corolla in the left lane isn't moving and now you're showing me no love either. You've under-estimated.

Now I'm not an angry driver, nor impatient, just frustrated. This over- & under- estimating is truly the bane of my existence this winter. Maybe it's because I just got new snow tires on my adequately, snow-worthy Jeep. Or, maybe it's because I tend not to drive with my head up my posterior so I can actually see where I'm going, use the proper lanes, drive the speed limit and perfectly estimate my vehicle's ability to get me from point A to B in the snow!! HONK! HONK!

R&R'ing,
R

RAVE: Being pleasantly surprised...

For a holiday I've already made pretty clear that I DON'T celebrate, it was nice to be 'Valentined'! Beginning with an unexpected bouquet of flowers & a heart-warming card to a wonderfully cooked, garlic-enrobed dinner, it was nice to be the center of someone's attention...if only for just a day.

R&R'ing,
R

RAVE: A Kindergartner's First Valentine

My oldest child, Sofia is 5 years old -- pardon me, she would correct me here: she is 5 1/2 years old. And this year, she actually has a valentine who isn't me or her dad or her stuffed bunny. Her valentine is a classmate, Zach, who I guess I would characterize as her first crush?!? At school, the two of them play during recess and lunchtime. He brought her a bracelet from home, and she draws pictures for him. They save each other seats in the classroom, and have climbing competitions on the play structure. This week as she was making valentine cards for all the kids in her class, Sofia would decorate a special one and announce that it was for Zach. He told his mother that he has decided to marry Sofia since they like the same things and have fun together.

Some part of me wants to tell her that it's way too soon for her to have a crush on a boy. But, it's the crush of a five-year-old. It's not actually romantic. She's finding a best friend -- someone who she has chosen all on her own: not the kids of her parents' friends, nor a playgroup buddy, but someone with whom she has developed a friendship completely outside of her parents' influence or encouragement. She's found a friend who shares her interests, who makes her laugh, and who cares about her feelings. Isn't that the perfect formula for a best friend? And later -- much, much, much later -- for a real first crush.

R&R'ing,
C

RANT: Currently taking auditions for a "C"

This joint venture of "C&R" isn't panning out like I had hoped. 24 hrs in and I can't get any work out of my new partner! A once prolific writer - she's gone silent on me. I'm thinking that I'm going to have to start 'ghost' writing for 'C'.

If anyone of our loyal readers out there would like a shot at being "C" for a day - please submit your work and I'll be happy to review and get back to you. No kids, husband or blood-relation to me is necessary - only pre-requisite is that your first name begins with "C". I'd like to keep some integrity to this site...

R&R'ing,
R

RANT: Happy V-Day this Buddy!

This is the stupidest holiday ever - I mean ever! Why is it that everyone & their mother find it necessary to wish me a "Happy Valentine's Day"?? Seriously - when it's Mother's Day - do you wish me a "Happy Mother's Day", assuming I'm a mother? When it's Labor Day - do you wish me "Happy Labor Day" - assuming I work??? So why on God's great earth would you wish me "Happy Valentine's Day"?? Do you assume I have a Valentine or that I'm celebrating this Hallmark holiday??? Really? No, I'm serious, really??? Here's my opinion, unless I've had "relations" with you (biblical or otherwise) or am going to have relations (biblical or otherwise in the next 24 hrs), don't wish me a "Happy Valentine's Day"!!! That should truly be reserved for those who know whether or not the carpet really matches the drapes - if you catch my drift. Sorry R&L - it's for dramatic purposes only.

So note to all of you cashiers, waiters, drive-through car wash attendants and annoying neighbors - DO NOT, and I mean, DO NOT wish me a Happy Valentine's Day unless you're willing to buy me dinner afterwards (or breakfast tomorrow morning...)

R&R'ing,
R

NOTE NEW URL

If you've already 'favorited' Regan's Rants - please replace with our new URL:

crrantsraves.blogspot.com

As always - we appreciate your support!

R&R'ing,
C&R

GREAT NEWS! Regan's Rants is becoming "C&R's Rants & Raves"!

To all my loyal readers, I'll think you'll share in my excitement at the news that "Regan's Rants" will be taking on a new contributing blogger, my sister Courtney, and we will formally be known as "C&R's Rants & Raves"! Very exciting. You can expect all of the same sarcasm and wit you've grown accustomed to in Regan's Rants, but now you'll be able to experience the more positive side as Courtney & I expand into "Raving", or celebrating the good in our lives. You can still look forward to our matter-of-fact observation on our daily endeavors, peppered with a bit of wry sarcasm, but we'll also be focused on finding and exploring the 'finer' moments.

Here at "Regan's Rants" we're pretty excited to have scored an experienced blogger like Courtney Caccia. Coming to us as a former contributor to the Silicon Valley Moms' Blog, as well as Head Writer on her own cooking blog, Courtney has also been the creative genius and managing editor of both of her daughters' blogs -- entertaining us with her observations and quips on motherhood. We think she'll be a really great addition to our team.

So stay tuned and continue to pass on our blog - we promise you that "C&R's Rants & Raves" will continue to be all that you've come to expect from Regan's Rants, and then some!!!

PS - be sure to look for our new & exciting graphics!

You've Got to Start Somewhere...

I'll consider this my official '1st' blog. It's as good a time as any to begin as I've decided that I'd use this as a more constructive way to 'blow off' a little steam. If you don't like sarcasm, if you don't like complaining and if you're looking for something a bit more uplifting - then stop now! This isn't the blog for you. However - if you're willing to take this for what it's worth - one woman's seemingly harmless way to re-direct some of her pent-up energies and frustrations into the written word - then please, feel free to continue - just don't make any snide comments or criticisms.

So - my rant for today - or rather yesterday is about airlines. Oooh No! Not another airline basher. Sorry - I've been traveling a bit more lately, so much of my angst & anxiety can be directly attributable to certain carriers, without mentioning names (airline formerly known as NWA). It's bad enough to travel after work hours, be delayed and know that you're getting home somewhere north of 9pm. However - in these situations, I typically just like to get on the plane, take out my crossword puzzle, attempt to know what 3-down is and then fall asleep. Unfortunately - that was not the case last night. Nope - last night - I was kept from snoozing or awoken if I did perchance catch some shut-eye by an ample-bottomed 'flight attendant'. Okay - get the "Oh no she didn'ts" and "She's not going there's" out of your system. I'm going there, but not without first recognizing that "YES", I too am an ample-bottomed woman - I don't like it, I like to talk about losing it, but truth be told, I sometimes think I'm being followed when I catch my reflection in a mirror or window. However - I don't choose to make a living by walking up and down 24" aisles all day, hitting people with my large posterior. If I had a frequent flyer mile for every time I was hit by this "flight attendant's" bottom - I'd be Gold Medallion. No joke. It was bad enough being on a sold-out regional flight at 7:30pm with a huge man sitting next to me, thus forcing me into the aisle. But, really, salt into wound when I was then accosted by this woman's derriere every time she walked by, which was no less than 27 times. I graciously tried to suck in, or move forward (in my 'generous' exit aisle row) or lean into said-seat mate, but there were times when she'd come up from behind me - taking me completely off guard and whack me with that 'thang!!! Again - I'm not being rude, I don't mean to be uncaring or disrespectful - I just think that there are some jobs that we shouldn't do if there are physical limitations that keep us from doing the required tasks of the job - in this instance, like being able to successfully clear the aisle without taking any of the passengers out.

I thought at one time there was a height and weight requirement for stewards/stewardesses. While that might seem archaic and discriminating - I'm actually okay with it. Just because you want to do something - doesn't mean that you should be able to do so if you're not qualified. Point in case - I wouldn't want my pilot to be allowed to fly the plane just b/c he really wanted the job. I would want him or her to not only have all of the necessary schooling, training and experience to fly my plane - but I'd want him/her to be able to physically handle the job, like fitting into the cock-pit and being able to maneuver in his/her seat. That seems reasonable. Well - it goes for flight attendants as well. I think you should not only know how to open an emergency door (although, they've now outsourced that to the poor suckers sitting in the exit row who just want more leg room), open up that slide and pour a can of pop - but I think you should also be able to fit down the aisle or better yet, share the aisle if in an emergency someone needed to squeeze by you. While I'm not saying that this woman wasn't physically capable of helping me in an emergency - I just wouldn't put my life on it. And seriously - even if we never got into an emergency - don't I, as a paying passenger, have a right NOT to be hit by the help?? If I were in a restaurant, whether it be 5-star or Denny's - would you sit at your table and not say anything if every time your server walked, you were smacked by their bottom? Or bumped by their belly? Would you asked to be moved? Would you go back? Would you avoid that person's station??? I'm just saying - there are just some jobs that we should and shouldn't have. If you can't physically complete the job requirements or if in attempting to do the job requirements you upset the paying customers who make your job possible - should you have that job????

So I guess that's it. Not sure if I have a point or if I even need to make one. I think I really just wanted to get that off my chest, err bottom! I'm taking me and my ample bottom off to work (fortunately I sit all day, so the only one or thing being bothered by my bottom is my poor chair).

Until next time...